Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
