look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
