I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
