grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
