dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
zippers are such a cool invention
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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