i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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