That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize