Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
