I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
