what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
