why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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