oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
