have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
