Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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