Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
