Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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