Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
