yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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