I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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