We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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