I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
