I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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