I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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