She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
