Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
