just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
