Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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