Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
