I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
