matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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