If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
