remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
