my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
