i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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