mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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