Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
