You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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