Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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