so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
