it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
