Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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