I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
