He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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