I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
