So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My liver just had a heart attack.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
