Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
