ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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