the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
