Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
