Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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