I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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