Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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