We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
