I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
