i permit you to call me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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