you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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