did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
