There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
