i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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