false alarm. still invincible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
