What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize