New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Enjoy the penises
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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