It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize