4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
