Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
