Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
