took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
