My hand turned me down
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
