I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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